During pregnancy most parents have hopes and dreams for their future child. When the baby is born with a disability their dreams are shattered - they are shocked and confused. The period immediately after a baby’s birth is a difficult time to be given such news. Parents are not at their strongest, physically or emotionally, and many experience feelings which disturb them.

Many parents have gone through the same experience as you have. They have had the same shock, have had a baby with a disability, and have felt many of the emotions that you are going through now.

Sorrow

When you are told that your child has a disability, it would be unusual not to feel sad. If you can express this feeling by ‘letting go’ of your tears, you will find it easier to cope afterwards. There is no shame in weeping - it is a natural reaction, and crying together can help both parents bear the sadness. Most parents need to go through a period of mourning for the imagined or hoped-for child they expected.

Anger

Most parents ask ‘why should it happen to us?’ There is no answer to this question, but it is all right to feel angry and no one will blame you. If you can talk it through with a caring friend it may well be helpful.

Shock

It is quite natural after a while to feel ‘numb’. This is your mind’s way of protecting you from more pain than you can handle. As shock fades you may experience other reactions, which might include

• feeling as if you are in a bad dream


• becoming forgetful and finding it difficult to concentrate


• denial

Guilt

Not all parents feel guilty, but many do. This is also a natural reaction, although the fact that your child has a disability is certainly not your fault. These feelings are perfectly normal and according to most parents’ experience, these feelings may never be completely forgotten but will become less as time passes.

Getting Support

It helps many parents to be able to talk over their feelings with others who have been through the same experience. There are disability associations, parent support groups and people willing to help you in most areas of the country. Getting in touch with them, when you feel ready to do so, could help you to sort out feelings about what it means to have a baby with a disability. If you need help or have any questions feel free to contact us at KDISC whenever you are ready.